Dont think for a second you aren't like anyone else. You have already proven it by trying not to be. It's a point of contention for many that we were created in God's image. I can't imagine that we weren't, but won't waste my time defending my thoughts because it isn't worth the time.
Whether or not we were has no bearing on eternity I feel. But it brings up interesting dichotomies for me when I really think about it.
I believe people's biggest problem with this line of thinking is their trouble with accepting a God who doesn't do things the way they would, doesn't think the way they act or or think along the same lines as they do. God and his existence can't be controlled or explained. And humans need to control things and be able to use logic and have an incessant need to explain things. There is no logic to a God that allows cancer to eat away at a child or mother. There is no logic to a God who allows the life of a father to be swiped away in a work accident and there is no logic behind a God who would create someone who is free to run from, disagree with and sabotage Him the way so many of us do at times. This is a hard concept to wrap our fingers around. The understanding flees us like sand in the palm of our hands. And I guess he designed it that way.
So, what makes you or I different from the person next to us? There are few who during some period of there life don't feel they are better than their neighbor. And there are many who go their whole life thinking they are above the "least of these." I confess until I was 27 or so I felt superior to many, I don't feel this way now, sure there a moments that creep up, those thoughts that "I would never do something like that!" but for the most part I have grown past that and go almost out of my way to make people feel accepted to the point that my family life suffers as a result. Sadly the growth has come as a result of making the same so called "mistakes" I was witnessing others make. But I guess that's where wisdom and knowledge are different. Knowing what is right, and doing what is right when faced with temptation.
So where do we go from here? You are no different than any body. You have made mistakes, you will make more. Go ahead.....Rank them on your little scale, yeah the one where murder is at the worst end,,, and lying to get a business deal is not really that bad. But I believe a transgression is a transgression and you will recieve the same punishment as anybody else, but you can also recieve the same grace as any one else......if you so choose to accept it. And I can tell you that for me, it is hard to accept. You have to discontinue with a specific transgression before you can be forgiven for it, and before you can accept grace you have to forgive yourself. And that my friend I know is hard, because I haven't forgiven my self for much of my evils. Grace seems so far away sometimes because I'm no different than you.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
When We Want To Kill A Killer
It is one thing to loose a loved one to old age or slow sickness. But when it is a tragedy it adds a whole new dimension to the process. A process that includes grieving, accepting it, moving forward and often times the process of forgiveness. And somehow in every situation involving this, God and his diety and purpose are always questioned by those affected by whatever tragedy has happened. And often times those surrounding the victims or loved ones of the aforementioned feel the need to try and explain "why God allowed this to happen" or at least their take on it. And so many of those people try and back up their nonsense assigned bull shit "plan of God" with scripture.
On November 15th, 2010 with the pull of a trigger my Aunt Vicky was swiped from life. A 17 year old boy made his way from 120 miles away on a lost mission from hell and murdered her while she worked at a local convenience store. And he didn't stop there. He drove from there 20 miles south to another community and performed the same vicious act on another convience store clerk. The little shit made his way here with a Jeep and weapons stolen from his parents lake cabin. Stoned out of his mind, he walked in, loaded gun in hand, pointed it at their head and demanded cigarettes and cash. Despite the fact that they oblige his demands he pulls the trigger. First killing my aunt then an hour later killing the next lady.
I am sorry but the only conceivable explanation for a life scene this disgusting is evil. Pure straight up evil. There is and should not be some bull shit line about "why God allowed this to happen" that should EVER be given to someone who suffers a loss like this. Let the loved ones cries to God as to why be just that, cries. In situations like these I believe God is a listener not a talker. If you look at scripture the times where God talks to people is when he is asking them to change not when they are grieving. This kid that commited these terrible acts had lived his teenage years filled with trouble. Drunk driving charges, vehicle theft charges, narcotics charges, domestice charges and probation. You name it he had the book thrown at him. And if you look at his life. All of these were choices. Choices he made based on his free will God permitted him to have from day one. Again I say evil is the only possible explanatin for this. For God to be reponsible for this we have to remove free will from the equation. And free will was obviously present here. Nobody made this kid steal his mom's debit card and Jeep. It was a choice. Nobody made him drive to the family cabin 70 miles away and load up on guns. It was a choice. Nobody made him drive 120 miles and pull that trigger. It was a choice.
It's hard for me to fathom the emotions of the victims children. Hell they are the real victims now. And yet it is even hard for me to recollect the range of emotions I personally went through that night and the days that followed. I do however vividly remember the events leading up to that night though. It was a Monday night and I had bowling league in Humboldt the community in which the second shooting took place. We left the lanes at 9:50. Sheila Myers was shot and killed at 10 p.m. It is eery to me knowing I passed that piece of garbage on my way home. After being home for 10 minutes 2 police cars flew by my home at what had to be 120 mph headed towards Algona. It wasn't but ten minutes later they flew by headed in the other direction towards Humboldt. Obviously they had gotten word of a second shooting. At 10:35 I got a call from my mother that the Algona victim was Vicky. I almost felt wrong doing what I was about to do but I was overcome with my concern for her and my impatience so I had to call a good friend who works on the EMS crew. I called her and asked her what she knew. She was not working at the time but heard it all unfold over the air waves. She told me they had put in the call for a life flight helicopter and then her and I conversed for a few minutes about who Vicky was and then she let me go. Not more than 10 minutes later she called me with the news that the life flight had been called off and that Vicky could not over come her injuries and had passed. The gun shot to the face and loss of blood was just too much. She lived long enough to give police a description of the vehicle and events and long enough for her sister and some of her kids to be by her side before she gave up the fight.
Vicky left behind 11 children. That's right 11 children. Are they asking God why this happened? Of course they are! But do they ask hoping for an answer from him or some self righteous blithering idiot who thinks God fits in their little box? Or is it possible that they just cry out to him because he is indeed a God that listens in situations like these and doesn't talk. Her children are left with the process of grieving, accepting, moving forward and yes forgiveness. To forgive or not to forgive. Sadly free will has to be inolved here. And forgiveness has to be a choice too.
On November 15th, 2010 with the pull of a trigger my Aunt Vicky was swiped from life. A 17 year old boy made his way from 120 miles away on a lost mission from hell and murdered her while she worked at a local convenience store. And he didn't stop there. He drove from there 20 miles south to another community and performed the same vicious act on another convience store clerk. The little shit made his way here with a Jeep and weapons stolen from his parents lake cabin. Stoned out of his mind, he walked in, loaded gun in hand, pointed it at their head and demanded cigarettes and cash. Despite the fact that they oblige his demands he pulls the trigger. First killing my aunt then an hour later killing the next lady.
I am sorry but the only conceivable explanation for a life scene this disgusting is evil. Pure straight up evil. There is and should not be some bull shit line about "why God allowed this to happen" that should EVER be given to someone who suffers a loss like this. Let the loved ones cries to God as to why be just that, cries. In situations like these I believe God is a listener not a talker. If you look at scripture the times where God talks to people is when he is asking them to change not when they are grieving. This kid that commited these terrible acts had lived his teenage years filled with trouble. Drunk driving charges, vehicle theft charges, narcotics charges, domestice charges and probation. You name it he had the book thrown at him. And if you look at his life. All of these were choices. Choices he made based on his free will God permitted him to have from day one. Again I say evil is the only possible explanatin for this. For God to be reponsible for this we have to remove free will from the equation. And free will was obviously present here. Nobody made this kid steal his mom's debit card and Jeep. It was a choice. Nobody made him drive to the family cabin 70 miles away and load up on guns. It was a choice. Nobody made him drive 120 miles and pull that trigger. It was a choice.
It's hard for me to fathom the emotions of the victims children. Hell they are the real victims now. And yet it is even hard for me to recollect the range of emotions I personally went through that night and the days that followed. I do however vividly remember the events leading up to that night though. It was a Monday night and I had bowling league in Humboldt the community in which the second shooting took place. We left the lanes at 9:50. Sheila Myers was shot and killed at 10 p.m. It is eery to me knowing I passed that piece of garbage on my way home. After being home for 10 minutes 2 police cars flew by my home at what had to be 120 mph headed towards Algona. It wasn't but ten minutes later they flew by headed in the other direction towards Humboldt. Obviously they had gotten word of a second shooting. At 10:35 I got a call from my mother that the Algona victim was Vicky. I almost felt wrong doing what I was about to do but I was overcome with my concern for her and my impatience so I had to call a good friend who works on the EMS crew. I called her and asked her what she knew. She was not working at the time but heard it all unfold over the air waves. She told me they had put in the call for a life flight helicopter and then her and I conversed for a few minutes about who Vicky was and then she let me go. Not more than 10 minutes later she called me with the news that the life flight had been called off and that Vicky could not over come her injuries and had passed. The gun shot to the face and loss of blood was just too much. She lived long enough to give police a description of the vehicle and events and long enough for her sister and some of her kids to be by her side before she gave up the fight.
Vicky left behind 11 children. That's right 11 children. Are they asking God why this happened? Of course they are! But do they ask hoping for an answer from him or some self righteous blithering idiot who thinks God fits in their little box? Or is it possible that they just cry out to him because he is indeed a God that listens in situations like these and doesn't talk. Her children are left with the process of grieving, accepting, moving forward and yes forgiveness. To forgive or not to forgive. Sadly free will has to be inolved here. And forgiveness has to be a choice too.
Friday, December 9, 2011
The Act of Being Idle
They say idle hands are the work of the devil. Try telling that to a prison inmate, wonder what their response would be?
I can't stand sitting still. I hate watching television. I don't like sleeping. These traits probably qualify me as weird in the eyes of American society as a whole. But I don't care. It wasn't until the past couple years when I had the self realization that I don't like being idle. My excuse is that it is counter-productive. But I think it is less of that and more of a fear of my own mind. It never shuts off and I try to deaden the sound of its churning out thoughts with constant activity, like a set of noise canceling Bose headphones or something.
I dislike things I can't understand. I dont play world of war craft, I don't do crossword puzzles and I can't stand watching dancing with the stars. All because I either don't relate or can't defeat its purpose. If I am forced to listen to my mind and it's tapestry of thoughts I feel as if I were handed a rubix cube that is unsolvable and ordered to sit in the corner until it has been defeated. So I try to bury its humming as far inside of me as I can with all of life's distractions. When I actually shut the noise of life off and really try to unravel my mess of memories and maze of contradicting thoughts I usually have an epiphany worthy of writing down, but I just lack the patience and the desire to sit down and wade through all the mud. And I am overwhelmed with the fear and disgust from the negatives that pop up in the process. The great thinkers in history were able to tune out the negatives and "accentuate the positives" of the human mind. I don't believe their thought processes were any smarter or genius than the average person's, I just believe they were able to put the pen to paper, or at least take the time too. Television and activities are the enemy of creativity.
I really believe that there is virtually no good that can come from watching television. Movies and "how to" type shows may be exceptions but generally speaking it is the root of much evil. It causes me to not pay attention to my children, it cause me to be drowsy, it causes anger when I watch political figures and the media talk to us like they are selling liquid laundry detergent. We are an army of sheep waiting to be sold to slaughter by the next Mitt
Romney, or deceived into the next lie of hope courtesy of Barack Obama and left hung out to dry by the likes of our government. We buy into it like Lehman Brothers stock and eat it up like rainbow Skittles. We get drunk on its sugar then try to sleep it off only to wake up needing more of it.
I can only hope I will conquer my fears of comprehending my own thoughts. I need to remind myself that it's ok not to understand something merely by seeing it for its face value. I need to delve into my thoughts inspite of my impatience. I need to slow down in life, stop being so busy and really break down what it is that I've come to call my mind. It is then and only then that I will start to find comfort in what it is I have become and understand how to get to what it is I want to be....a writer not a talker, a doer not a thinker. And you....you need to turn off your dam television!!!
I can't stand sitting still. I hate watching television. I don't like sleeping. These traits probably qualify me as weird in the eyes of American society as a whole. But I don't care. It wasn't until the past couple years when I had the self realization that I don't like being idle. My excuse is that it is counter-productive. But I think it is less of that and more of a fear of my own mind. It never shuts off and I try to deaden the sound of its churning out thoughts with constant activity, like a set of noise canceling Bose headphones or something.
I dislike things I can't understand. I dont play world of war craft, I don't do crossword puzzles and I can't stand watching dancing with the stars. All because I either don't relate or can't defeat its purpose. If I am forced to listen to my mind and it's tapestry of thoughts I feel as if I were handed a rubix cube that is unsolvable and ordered to sit in the corner until it has been defeated. So I try to bury its humming as far inside of me as I can with all of life's distractions. When I actually shut the noise of life off and really try to unravel my mess of memories and maze of contradicting thoughts I usually have an epiphany worthy of writing down, but I just lack the patience and the desire to sit down and wade through all the mud. And I am overwhelmed with the fear and disgust from the negatives that pop up in the process. The great thinkers in history were able to tune out the negatives and "accentuate the positives" of the human mind. I don't believe their thought processes were any smarter or genius than the average person's, I just believe they were able to put the pen to paper, or at least take the time too. Television and activities are the enemy of creativity.
I really believe that there is virtually no good that can come from watching television. Movies and "how to" type shows may be exceptions but generally speaking it is the root of much evil. It causes me to not pay attention to my children, it cause me to be drowsy, it causes anger when I watch political figures and the media talk to us like they are selling liquid laundry detergent. We are an army of sheep waiting to be sold to slaughter by the next Mitt
Romney, or deceived into the next lie of hope courtesy of Barack Obama and left hung out to dry by the likes of our government. We buy into it like Lehman Brothers stock and eat it up like rainbow Skittles. We get drunk on its sugar then try to sleep it off only to wake up needing more of it.
I can only hope I will conquer my fears of comprehending my own thoughts. I need to remind myself that it's ok not to understand something merely by seeing it for its face value. I need to delve into my thoughts inspite of my impatience. I need to slow down in life, stop being so busy and really break down what it is that I've come to call my mind. It is then and only then that I will start to find comfort in what it is I have become and understand how to get to what it is I want to be....a writer not a talker, a doer not a thinker. And you....you need to turn off your dam television!!!
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