The Act of Being Idle

They say idle hands are the work of the devil. Try telling that to a prison inmate, wonder what their response would be?
I can't stand sitting still. I hate watching television. I don't like sleeping. These traits probably qualify me as weird in the eyes of American society as a whole. But I don't care. It wasn't until the past couple years when I had the self realization that I don't like being idle. My excuse is that it is counter-productive. But I think it is less of that and more of a fear of my own mind. It never shuts off and I try to deaden the sound of its churning out thoughts with constant activity, like a set of noise canceling Bose headphones or something.
I dislike things I can't understand. I dont play world of war craft, I don't do crossword puzzles and I can't stand watching dancing with the stars. All because I either don't relate or can't defeat its purpose. If I am forced to listen to my mind and it's tapestry of thoughts I feel as if I were handed a rubix cube that is unsolvable and ordered to sit in the corner until it has been defeated. So I try to bury its humming as far inside of me as I can with all of life's distractions. When I actually shut the noise of life off and really try to unravel my mess of memories and maze of contradicting thoughts I usually have an epiphany worthy of writing down, but I just lack the patience and the desire to sit down and wade through all the mud. And I am overwhelmed with the fear and disgust from the negatives that pop up in the process. The great thinkers in history were able to tune out the negatives and "accentuate the positives" of the human mind. I don't believe their thought processes were any smarter or genius than the average person's, I just believe they were able to put the pen to paper, or at least take the time too. Television and activities are the enemy of creativity.
I really believe that there is virtually no good that can come from watching television. Movies and "how to" type shows may be exceptions but generally speaking it is the root of much evil. It causes me to not pay attention to my children, it cause me to be drowsy, it causes anger when I watch political figures and the media talk to us like they are selling liquid laundry detergent. We are an army of sheep waiting to be sold to slaughter by the next Mitt
Romney, or deceived into the next lie of hope courtesy of Barack Obama and left hung out to dry by the likes of our government. We buy into it like Lehman Brothers stock and eat it up like rainbow Skittles. We get drunk on its sugar then try to sleep it off only to wake up needing more of it.
I can only hope I will conquer my fears of comprehending my own thoughts. I need to remind myself that it's ok not to understand something merely by seeing it for its face value. I need to delve into my thoughts inspite of my impatience. I need to slow down in life, stop being so busy and really break down what it is that I've come to call my mind. It is then and only then that I will start to find comfort in what it is I have become and understand how to get to what it is I want to be....a writer not a talker, a doer not a thinker. And you....you need to turn off your dam television!!!